X2 - Tired of being taken for granted

There’s something very soul-sapping about pushing your boundaries of patience, trying never to judge, only support. This change of heart happens especially when you’re recovering from the guilt of having abandoned a loved one. Now you’re left questioning only your motives, not the one testing your patience. This was the chemistry between X2 and I. She had the gift of ignorance, never having to think of her actions and their consequences. Her thinking was like that - all for gain. For me, it became - hang in there! This is only a phase, I told myself.

I accepted her past and let it not scare me. I buckled to the demands of her father, as did she. We were now sitting on a massive loan, for a flat neither one wanted. It was for the pride of the father, that they had made it big. I’m not quite sure why I was willing to take her seriously, even when we knew her father was taking us on a ride. Regardless, I continued interacting with X2. Now, my every trip to Bangalore would be followed by a phone call, her father reminding her to deposit money for the EMI.

Eventually, I had to speak marriage and for the first time, X2’s father agreed. He came over to our place, nearly 7 months after X2 and I started interacting. He arrived with his wife one evening, barely making any conversation, just fumbling about his thumbs, looking down at the tiles and the house, never making eye contact. X2’s mother was more excited and happier, gladly explaining her day and how she had travelled to this part of town for the first time. He spoke about her extended family, where her family was from, and more.

My parents were then invited over to X2’s place. We went there and had a short conversation too. We entered, and my father made himself comfortable near the showcase next the entrance. I distinctly remember her 92-year-old grandfather urging my father to come sit in the centre, while her father said - It’s OK, let him be where he is. X2’s grandfather then described his childhood, how he grew up, how he worked in the railways, even sang on All India Radio and how he played the piano and coached hockey teams. He was an amazing person and extremely enthusiastic. Even as he enthusiastically tried to entertain his guests the best he could, X2’s father budged in between telling him, “No one wants to hear your boring stories. Enough”. Such was our interaction, and an acknowledgement of both families. I found it particularly rude.

X2 was a lazy, but driven person. Lazy, because she had of no clue of what was going on about in her own domain. Driven, because she wanted the fame of a person who was successful. She wanted to outsmart everyone in her team. To do this, she would do whatever it took to get a promotion, a free trip, a free meal, anything!

X2 made several trips to the US, Italy, even the UK during the span that I knew her. She had no such chances, before I came along (to my misfortune). Her trip to Italy was to meet a customer, along with bosses from the US. Turns out, their customer was some old guy who used their software on an ancient PC, with a CRT monitor using an outdated version of their product. She made a presentation for this customer. Most of the time was spent with the bosses, holidaying at the expense of the company, of course. During these trips, I had urged her to start looking for a job in Bombay, so she could move back. Her aim was to make a portfolio. She’d been promising to create this since May that year, but till the very end, she never did. All her efforts were focussed on getting another international trip. She eventually said, she wouldn’t make any more trips and just focus on moving to a new company in Bombay. I took her word for it.

Another time, X2 told me she’d come visit me on my birthday. I was excited about it. After years of pushing everyone away, I would be spending my birthday with someone special. A day before my birthday, she called me from Bangalore to tell me that she had been coercing her bosses into giving her a ticket to the US and she had managed to get it. She secured a seat a stall at an event, for a product that she didn’t even work on. She was leaving that night. So, I spent yet another birthday alone. I remember being very upset about this. She lied to me. She apologized and said she wouldn’t do that again.

Well, she would do it again. X2 told her bosses to let her travel to the UK for an event her company was sponsoring, a proposal that was immediately shot down. She urged them to let her go, and that she would bear the complete expenses of the trip. Her mother was an airline professional, so she would get free tickets barring of course, the taxes which were only a fraction of the actual cost. She would go to the UK for just a couple of thousand rupees. X2 wasn’t going to let her company know these details though. I wasn’t happy. She made that trip, and 3 days after she got there, I got a call from her, crying. She was staying in some sort of hostel with bunk beds, with a bunch of drunk, rowdy guys, abusive and fighting. X2 had found the best deal for accommodation, not knowing that it might not be the safest. She cried to me, asking me to call her mother right now, asking her to book tickets for her return journey tomorrow. She didn’t want to stay in the UK anymore. X2 returned a day or two later. Then, I found some photos of her with some friends, and a guy she stayed with for a night or two. I asked her if they were close friends. She said, she she’d only met once before at a friend’s party. He offered her his apartment and she took it. There were a few photos of him grinning, standing next to a lake of some sort with some birds, smiling with X2 with some typical ‘desi’ comments on the photos. This was all very weird to me. I was quite upset about this incident as well. I blamed my insecurity.

Her obsession of taking trips reached a point where her colleagues in a townhall meeting complained, about a person in the team getting all the international travel, while they received no such opportunity ever. That wasn’t the end of the trips. During one such trip, she bypassed her reporting manager, telling her business heads in the US about her last trip to the UK where she spent her own hard-earned money to represent the company. Very impressed by her dedication and ‘integrity’, she was awarded yet another trip to the US. During this, she shared screenshots of the emails between the bosses and how she’d gotten away. She and her friends were very amused by this. I was disgusted. This was manipulation.

X2’s only attempt at a job was through a call from a well-funded start-up. A team of brats, running the show, behaving like rock stars. I remember being apprehensive about it, because I had heard disaster stories from that place. There were videos of parties with employees throwing tables and chairs around, jumping on them, drunk and high. They were having a great time and X2 wanted that limelight. She told me the design head of this company wanted her to come meet him, at 10 in the night, in a hotel room. She called me at 9pm, asking me if she should go. I urged her not to, instead ask for a morning slot in the lobby or a coffee shop instead. He declined, but weeks later, he agreed to it. That incident was a big deal too. I remember, having an argument where she told me I was just jealous she was going to make a lot more money at this start-up, way more than I could. In retrospect, I can’t tell if that was her view or her father’s.

I remember going to Bangalore at the end of January, around Republic Day. She told me she put down her papers, and now she had to start looking for a job. I was baffled that she would randomly make that move without even mentioning it. Her portfolio was not ready. I remember asking her mother to urge her to do it now. I went to Bangalore with the hope to help her pack. I had to remind her of the seriousness of the situation. She had resigned, she had no job but a huge loan, an EMI to pay every month with nearly no savings elsewhere. We had a relationship to build, and a marriage to look forward to. I reminded her, you have a habit of doing random things when I’m not around. Don’t do it, this one time, please.

I left for Bombay, and a week or so later, she called to tell me, she had convinced her bosses to make another trip to the US during her notice period. This trip was a week or two before her last day at work. I completely lost my mind. I asked to reconsider, to do what was important to her, and for us. She made that trip anyway, ignoring her work duties, just holidaying. She posted photos on Facebook about it. I decided, I had enough. It was the end of things.

This was not a person who valued any suggestions, she did not value any person, or relationships, only opportunities. I was an opportunity to her and I couldn’t imagine a stable, peaceful life with her. I could never know if she meant what she said, or if her apologies and promises for the future were genuine. She could change her decisions at any time, go off the radar, appear days later.

She returned from her long trip, and I refused to talk to her. I politely, full of regret and disappointment but bluntly told her, I did not want to do this anymore. She told me, she would made it all OK, but I had just wasted a year of my life trying. A week or two after she moved back to Bombay, she was back looking at new guys to meet. So much for that last promise…