This is my workday…

Every time my wife complains about something, I find myself gagging myself in my brain with emotions I can’t explain and words I shouldn’t dare utter. I try comparing her pains with mine. She handles her problems like a pill popper, while mine is fixing the root problem, or avoiding it entirely. Her latest problem is having to choose an Uber Pool, over the exorbitantly priced Uber ride that takes 20 minutes. It’s Rs. 250 - Rs. 350 for that ride, where an air-conditioned bus ride costs Rs. 40 or a bit more. Buying a car is her obvious solution.

I’m OK with that, but somehow, I find the value of free time even in a cab more attractive, because it’s more peaceful than navigating mindless traffic and parking spaces, not to mention it’s like a child that needs constant care, cleaning, food and insurance. My idea of owning a car is to take leisure rides out of town, on a weekend.

My pains are different in nature. The day begins with moans, void of pleasure, having barely slept five and a half, sometimes 6 hours and ignoring my alarm twice. I stumble out of bed to inch first the bed sheets bruising my fingers and nails, then the drying vessels away from the sill, before closing the windows. I bravely step out shirtless to bring in the stinky dustbins before I brush my teeth. I am fortunate to have a warm breakfast and tea waiting, which my wife makes for me. It’s gobbled in minutes before I wash the few dishes. It’s poo time, then get ready and I’m off.

In fact, I have everything down to the minute and it’s this nature that makes it hard for me make changes to things.

8:30am - Wake up (attempt 1)
8:40am - Wake up (attempt 2)
8:45am – Really wake up
8:50am - Windows, dustbin, brush teeth, check phone
8:55am - Shave
9:05am - Breakfast
9:20am - Wash dishes
9:30am - I-am-poop
9:35am - Get ready
9:40am - Wait for rickshaw
10:00am - At my seat

Imagine having a maid walk in at 8:30am to do the chores.

My first-world problems involve waiting for an Uber rickshaw, a novelty in my books. I opt for it only to avoid the hassle of cash and change, giving directions, and because it’s a bit more affordable. A quick 15 minute ride and I’m at work. The day ends at 7 and I make another return rickshaw ride back. If time permits, I prefer the bus which saves me time and a good Rs. 60. I entertain my folks with snacks, some YouTube videos and chatter about my day. It’s a short 15 - 20 minute break before I run to my wife, racing up 3 floors, all sweaty and stinky.

A bath is followed sometimes by the laundry, then spending an hour with my wife chatting about the day, her dramas and mine, sometimes we watch a few videos or look at stuff on our laptop.

Dinner is next on the list, after which I do the dishes. I scrub and rinse them well, relentlessly and determined to leave grime nor detergent stains behind. It takes up 20 - 30 minutes of my time so it’s left for after my wife is fast asleep, sometimes before. My JBL Go plays me a part of the podcast, because I tell myself I can’t afford to waste any time in my life.

It’s never been my idea to hire a maid, but she now comes only on weekends and isn’t any good at her work if I’m brutally honest. My stubbornness and ego don’t permit me to plan my morning routine around her convenience. She can come on my wife’s clock, not mine. That option is never taken. My wife has tried to convince me to change my ways, but sadly, I’m just as stubborn as the stains the maid leaves behind for us on the cutlery.

Post 11pm is my time; sleep can wait till it’s 2:15. It’s unhealthy a book I’m reading tells me, but I refuse to be a slave to the societal norms that dictate that I be a willing slave to both, my work and home chores. It’s Flickr time, gaming, Photoshop and watching some shows till then.

I head to bed hesitantly when the lids stay up no longer. I take my Kindle to bed hoping to squeeze the last 10 - 15 minutes of energy left on reading, but I’m out seconds later, head and drool flowing into the screen.

‘Why We Sleep’ by Matthew Walker can wait till 2:15 tomorrow, or the rickshaw ride, or during lunch…