The Denegerates Meet

The plan was to meet at an undisclosed location close to HAL airport, a group of highly intellectual individuals from different forms of life, backend, frontend, and content marketing. Let’s call the individuals, Kits, Nam, Awk and Grep. The location of our stay was decided by the three. It was near an abandoned airstrip in the centre of Bangalore, now swarmed only by the air force. Months went by and I couldn’t commit to the event, because of prior commitments. A last-minute change of mind and I flew myself into the city late Friday evening, the last before New Years. I hired an Uber to this AirBnB, reached the door and rang the bell. An unsuspecting face peeped out and hurriedly shut the door shut. Whispers, moans and shouts continued behind the door again. The door opened moments later, the face revealed itself. It was Kits. It was the first time I would meet him. He’s this fair Maharashtrian guy camouflaged behind a beard and a goatee. Lying on the sofa was Nam, under a bath towel that doubled as a blanket and a tent to store snacks he’d been eating. Awk was there too, always so pleased to see me not unwilling to show it. The tea poy was littered with filth, chips, beers, bottles, drinks, empty cans and glasses, some of which had made its way to the floor. I’ve never thought of myself as a neat and tidy person, but these were just degenerates. As is tradition with people of this cult, humiliation and embarrassing others is part of the ritual. What better way than to welcome me with /b/ and some porn sites. This went on for a few awkward minutes. They’d been drinking for a while now and it was obvious from the faces and utter lack of composure. Nam was blabbering about, throwing random abuses and sadly, Awk was the only person talking sense. We had a couple of drinks and we spent most of our time, talking Bakchodi, discussing our lives, our jobs, the other Reddit idiots from the group. Another part of our culture is making audio and video calls when we meet, to those who didn’t make it to the meeting. In this case, Blaz who showed off his SJW/hipster/chad-ness by showing the book store he was at. Another colourful member of the group is Lulu, from Kerala. He spoke with him for a bit, and he asked us for discounts. A lot of time was wasted by the indecisiveness in choosing a movie to watch, so we spent most of our time watching YouTube videos and random standups. A plan to hang out at a pub was cancelled after Nam decided he couldn’t stomach any more alcohol. He’d been drinking a lot, with only snacks and a Idli in his stomach. We were hoping he would puke but he didn’t. He circled from one room to another, from the balcony to a toilet to another and we witnessed Kits’ nervous look. His room’s toilet clogged with a Nam would be his worst nightmare. We also witnessed the display of true Indian secularism, the last rites of a religious leader, his corpse carried by armed force vehicles at the runway. We stood and watched politicians, religious leaders and film stars walk in and out of helicopters, as patrolling security guards looked up at the balcony we were hanging out at. Attempts were made by Nam to hurl a ball at them from the balcony but we felt it wiser not to. Instead, we considered the thought that he might in his intoxicated state hurl himself out the balcony at some point over those two days. We peeped down onto the ground below to check every now and then. One of the leaders, a dude drapped in orange stepped out with two women and children. One of the ground staffs dived head-first to his feet then crawled himself away. Ever watched a C grade Bollywood movie? You know the scenes of suspicious behaviour, the helipad looked exactly like that scene. The group of Reddit idiots are an incredibly talented lot, so we pride ourselves as being better than the scum of this earth. We first bitched about our workplaces, the incompetency and our autism preventing us from outraging. We marvelled at Nam’s explanation of his outrage incident where he walked out of a meeting. We were proud of him, and hoped one day, we would garner the courage to be like him. We discussed startups, it was why we were here. To come up with an idea, assign responsibilities and find funding was our goal. We had no funding, so we could only ask someone to fund us a meal and some snacks for the evening. Our ideas revolved around taking down Amazon in the next few years, by launching a queue-less billing system, armed with sensors and cameras. We underestimate the Indians. All we needed were some retarded electrical engineers to wire them. This was the insight Awk brought to the table. It was appalling . Nam felt he could be the catalyst to this dying discussion. He wanted a Medium clone, so we just shut him up immediately. Motivated and refreshed after the three days of much-needed social stimulation, we departed late Sunday evening on our own ways. Latest reports from Pune tell us Kits is suffering from Cholera and he might be on his deathbed rather than on a flight back to the US. Awk dreams of joining a bank , and Nam to Amsterdam.