A glimpse of a normal life

Life went on as I continued working part-time without a pay, at the small studio. Every other day I was home, I got an earful from my mother about how I was doing nothing in my life. I was a failure. ‘Your father has retired and you’re at home, and don’t seem interested in getting an actual job’. It was always about comparison. The others had a proper education, I hadn’t cleared completed my graduation yet. My attempt at a correspondence course was 6 years in the works, with no sign of completion.

I would pay the extension fees, take no interest in the classes, because they were rubbish and entirely pointless. The batchmates were copying assignments from everybody else, while I was making my attempts to understand what I could, from the shoddy, incomplete literature given to us. Some subjects had a couple of A4 sized books with 50 pages in them. The exams and assignments were far beyond the scope of those books. The examination halls had children and grownups, businessmen and housewives going to the washroom a couple of times in a 90-minute examination. Their renal systems were obviously failing, mine were stronger. I would rather fail a few more times, which I did than cheat.

A weekend before Christmas of 2006, my mom and I had a major argument. I told my mother, I know what I am doing and if I wanted I could get a job anytime I wanted. So out of sheer arrogance to make my point, I applied for a job. A week after new year’s, shockingly, I was called for an interview and I was working there two days later. I chose not to rub it in. My package was now 1.25L per annum, in 2007. I was 25.

The work was just like the first job. The teams were smaller, the folk not as passionate though. The times had changed. The bully in the team pat me on my back, uttered a loud “So you’re the new competition, huh?”. My response was a feeble, “There is no competition”. He understood it as submission, but I knew better.

My higher up bosses were more experienced people and I had long arguments related to work. I felt passionate about the common interests. It was good to be back among people, earning something, and my life was showing some signs of normalcy. I appreciated it. My benchmark of a good pay was anything that paid. This was my first pay in 6 years.

I would be made to run around, carry the burden and do a lot of work. Some of it was to instil discipline, and a lot of it to demonstrate intimidation. My character isn’t one to fight back, or least my life so far taught me nothing about it. I stayed at work till 11pm on my first day there, completing and re-doing an assignment. I guess it was meant to teach me something. That became my routine and I ended up being around with people at work till 8 and 9 every day. I don’t think my mother complained anymore. I was finally working, I was doing something.

I received very basic increments and I think I didn’t get an appraisal once or twice, because of the industry slowdown. Regardless, I didn’t think I was of much value so I never bothered looking out for other opportunities. I enjoyed work but not everyone carried their weight.

One of the guys wanted to leave at 5 every day, the bully types refused to do anything beyond his quota, and the boss and his assistant would leave on time at 6:30. We moved from one office to another, and everyone left work on time. I stayed back with a helper boy, a short fellow because of stunted growth. I helped him box everything, keep record, carry everything into a truck late through the night, moved it into the new, but much smaller place. We would do the same activity a year and a half later when we moved into an even smaller office. I think the two of us respected each other. Later, I taught him to build a PC, install software, get on the web and maintain records on Excel. I even gave him my old home PC. Fun times, and a genuine feeling of achievement, for both of us!

His stunted growth wasn’t his only tragedy. His father was killed by a bull in his farm, succumbed to his death. I remember trying to be normal about everything and trying to be nice to him. I think he even knows some English because of my insistence.

Our company got sold off to a bunch of industry veterans, pass outs from IIM . They had secured some funding and bought our company. Housecleaning was due, and a bunch of people were let go, the others left in fear. We were a handful of people, the bully, my slightly less bullying boss’ boss, and a couple more. This is down from more than 20 - 25 people.

We slogged our asses off thereon. Working through weekends was normal, public holidays were rarely allowed and we worked through the night 4-5 times in a month. We were compensated in pay or leave. I had to ask for it, and I have a bad habit of rarely asking for anything from anyone. This was my life for 4 years. Some folk would work from 12 to 9. Some from 2 to 11, and morons like me would work from 10 to 11. On the busier days, I’d work from 9 to 2am or 4am and then be back at work at 9. That experience has made fear no work, and no amount of work. I think I now lack the empathy towards those are upset because had to stay in office till 8 or 9 or come in on a Saturday. I do not care, I can do it again, for another 4 years if I need to.

My thought process had turned into being very efficient. Getting out of bed, rushing through breakfast, getting to work, turning on some light music, getting to it and taking minimal breaks. Lunch would be at my desk, pushing the keyboard aside and maybe streaming a YouTube video or chatting with some of my colleagues, who became my good friends. We were spending more time with each other than with family. Work would continue at a pace where the fogged windows and shutters, would go from a bright white to orange, to darkness. I took no vacations through this assignment.

Over this period, the bully would get side-lined. I got promoted to his level, then beyond. I got my promotions, but my salary would swell only a little bit. I got a call from a major research company, but I think they would have liked me to have completed my graduation. Another MNC offer fell through similarly. I didn’t have a CV, a Naukri or a LinkedIn account, but I was getting calls.

I could analyse data, I could test, I could write fast, design, edit photos, layout pages, coordinate, pack boxes and carry them into trucks, hire and train folk, do live events, answer queries, interview CEOs, compile CDs, create print ads, shoot videos and host webinars. And a lot more! I was invited to travel to events in a few countries in the process. That was an eye-opening experience too.

I taught a lot of interns and trainees through the years. They are still well-wishers and that teaching experience taught me patience and relentlessness. I found kids cheating, I found them lying, I found lazy ones, talented ones, overqualified ones. One even told me his mother had met with an accident and he needed to rush home right now. A while later, I found him posting on some gaming discussion board trying to sell some hardware. I tried calling him a few days later. He would never return.

The people I worked with were colourful. Some has daddy issues, two had PhDs, some were drunkards, one served in the Singapore navy, one was long-distance-dating a Russian, one was married to an American he met at a spiritual meeting, one of them had a femenine side, some were disgusting and more. I could write an entire story about each one of them. Coming from being jobless, then doing a lot of work, I think that exposure was much required. Now, I feared no confrontation.

Then one fine day, I received a call from a similar but massively popular setup with a much larger audience. I went there, and I was offered nearly twice as much, and a team of 15. Immediately, insecurities triggered in an old-timer who had been there five years. He was a people-handling boss like me. Similarly, aged, he lacked my skills and experience. I try to be modest about this. I say it now, but I would never say it aloud then. He made strong moves to assert his dominance, trying to boss everyone around, trying to dismiss me. My work spoke for me, and along with the support of my boss, we upped our numbers 6-fold in a span of two years. The team was one with me. When I left two years later, he was booted months later for not being able to cope.

The crowd there was a much more of a normal crowd, coming from comfortable households, some pampered, many of whom had never done the kind of work or environments or state of mind, I had seen. A lot of them tagged along, did good work for us, and they make me a bit more normal and human. I would go out for lunch with them, go on weekend outings and picnics, travel out of the city, even drink occasionally. They’d call me their friend and they were mine.

I travelled outside India at this job too. It only furthered my confidence, and the industry now knew me well. Work was pretty much the same, with new dynamics, but with organized timelines. I’d get done by 7, but I had to travel nearly two hours to get home. I would still walk nearly kilometres, then take a bus, then walk some more, through the rains, through the floods, sweat through it all. The introduction of air-conditioned buses was my first bit of pampering.

I had caught up. I was now making as much as the peers who’d gone ahead in life. They might have had a 6-year head start but being headstrong kept me alive. I had practical know-how and I was a fun person. I was now respected, valued, people were being nice to me, honest and I could be open with them. I could talk loudly, and I was now laughing aloud. Never in my life had I done this! This was beginning to the most fun part of my life.

I got nods of approval from management, and smiles, warm handshakes and invitations. My mother was content. I’m sure she would tell her friends her son was in Singapore this weekend, a few months later, London, Oslo, Seoul, Taipei. Their criticism never affected me, now their approvals didn’t matter. My dad was always modest, minimal with his praise. He was calm and relaxed, confident in my abilities. I funded our major home renovation, the first one since we moved here 30 years ago. This was my ‘Thank you’.